How to jump start your dick: A guide, By: John Egbert
by Dave Elizabeth Strider
Summary: Just what it sounds like
1. Chapter 1

It happened by accident I swear! It was just a normal evening with the chums. You know, playing video games, drinking soda, listening to Karkat and Dave bicker. Totally not weird.

Yet.

Okay wow, this must be super confusing. Here let me back up a bit.

Hi, I'm John Egbert. I'm 17 years old and have two best friend named Dave Strider and Karkat Vantas. We're just typical chums, in a typical school, with typical lives. In till three months ago when we were having one of our weekly game nights, Dave's Bro was out-of-town with some DJ gig or something. So we all piled over there, ordered a pizza and played our shitty ninja games(courteous of Dave).

I was losing but I dint really care at the moment, cause I was to busy laughing at Dave and Karkat fight over which was more useful, a pineapple or a watermelon(don't ask), like an old married couple. I reached over Karkat's lap(who was in between me and Dave on the couch), to grab a hand full of chips sitting on the side table next to Dave. Snagging my prize I brought it back over to my side of the cough, but not before I dropped a few on to Karkat and Dave laps. Stuffing what was left in my palm into my mouth, I reached over quickly plucking the dropped pieces from the old bickering idiots laps. Munching on the rescued chips, I turn my attention but to the game. In tell I realized my two companions have abandoned the game.(it was really obvious when I got into first place)

I set my controller down and turned to my friend, both of them had hard stares fixed on me. "Umm, what?" I squeaked, feeling oddly exposed under their gaze. Neither spoke they just kept staring. After a few moments their both picked up their controllers and started to play silently. I was a little freaked out by the odd actions.

For the rest of the night my face felt very heated. Their stares, even Dave's hidden behind his shades, focused so intently on my face. By the end of the night my stomach was twisted in knots, not being able to eat another bite of food or focus on any of the games or movies.

Around 2 a.m. we called it quits and pulled out our sleeping bags out in Dave's bedroom. Well, I had a sleeping bag. Karkat just gathered a bunch of blankets and make a little nest in the corner. Dave just laid on his bed over the dirty clothes piled there.

While the other two settled and their snores slowly filled the room my thoughts kept me up. Sometimes racing thousand miles an hour, sometimes stuck in a little corner, obsessing over the smallest of thing.

What on Earth was this jittery, twisted feeling in my gut? Thoughts raced and tumbled in my mind but nothing was clear to me in the jumble. A slap of wood hit wood startled me from my pondering(heehe, I like that word, pondering, heehe). A stumble and a curse later I identified the intruder as Dave's older brother, back from the DJ gig across town. I looked at the clock, horrified when I realized it was nearly four in the morning.

These thought kept me up for the rest of the night, in tell the first rays of sun peeked through the window by Dave desk. My eyelids, them finally slipped shut against the seer exhausted of not getting any proper sleep. Of course the we had to get up and have breakfast. Of course, _sign_

We all stumbled into the kitchen, still laden in our sleep wear. Dave was wearing boxers and a tight tank top I was trying really hard not to notice, and Karkat and my self both wore long sweat pants and old t-shirt for our sleep attire. We all wondered into the kitchen moving around dirty dishes and lost homework assignment to get the proper essential for a suitable breakfast. Just as we found clean(enough) bowls to eat from Bro walked in, wear nearly the same thing as Dave but with orange boxers instead of red. He stared at us for moment before grabbing some juice and going back to his room. Karkat and myself stood there frozen like deer in headlights as Dave bustled around the kitchen finishing getting his breakfast. Karkat mumbled a "jackass" under his breath and poured milk over the bowl of dry cereal Dave left out for him(he was too short to get the boxes from the top of the fridge.). Mumbling something about stupid Strider's he followed Dave back into the living room.

I was still standing there, staring at the spot wear Bro had stood. The same crazy fuzzy feeling flooded my chest, but not like it did last night with Kar and Dave. This was different. More heat, more rushed thoughts that are going to all the wrong places. Forgetting my breakfast I rushed to the bathroom slammed and lock the door before I proceed to freak out.

I was totally gay for my best friend's brother. Shit

But I had the same feeling thing with Dave and Kar!...No, I'm gay for my best friend's brother and my best friends. All the distressing thoughts had pushed out any arousal in my body, leaving an empty feeling where the heat had been. Maybe I'm not gay for them, maybe I'm just gay and it was a kick-start, like _hay hot dude! Cool!._ "God I hope so," I whisper to my self before I brave the living room.

I came back to finish making my food though I didn't really want to eat. Setting my mostly full bowl next to the empty bowls and juice glasses on the coffee table, I settled into the only open spot on the coach. That happened to be the left side by the arm rest. I slumped into the seat, laying back against the arm rest, already exhausted.

Karkat was curled up on the middle cushion, almost like a cat. Dave leaning against the other arm cushion's. His impossibly long legs tucked against the back of the coach behind Karkat.

After about ten minuets of watching he morning new channel Dave picked up the remote and flipped though the TV channel surfing in tell he decided to just put in a movie. He jumped back on the coach, kicking Karkat in the lower back "Watch it asshat!" shouted the much shorter boy. Dave just turned his blank face gaze on him, his eye hiding behind the dark shades. There just stared at each other for a moment more, and then Dave poked Karkat in the back once more. Karkat bared his teeth in a snarl, looking like he wished to kill Dave. Wouldn't be new if he did. Dave kept poking Karkat from his middle back to the back of his thighs. Karkat gave one last snarl before he unfurled from the spot on the coach and promptly crawled into my lap, and curled back up. I was shocked into to silence, by the small boy in my lap.

Karkat was warm and soft, and pressing right on top of my dick.


	2. Chapter 2

Do not get a boner. Do not get a boner. _Do not get a_ _boner. _**Do not get a boner.**

Okay, so, its not that bad, I mean bros get random awkward teenage boners all the time. So its not like its a big deal, I bet Karkat wont even notice. Okay, so I am officially delusional.

I tried shifting around to get my dick out of Kar's lower back, but every time I moved he would shift with me. If I didn't know Karkat better I would swear he was doing it on purpose.

"Well this is fuckin' lame" Dave suddenly exclaimed, getting up from the couch and turning of the TV.

"Then what the fuck do _you_ think we should do Strider?" snapped back Karkat before I could even open my mouth. Dave got this smirk, stretched across his face, one I've never seen before. "Oh don't worry Karkitty I've got somethin'."

Dave walked over to the large CD played set up in the living room, and flipped it on. A heavy bass thumped out of the large speakers, startling me. But that thing that truly surprised me was Dave.

Dave Fucking Strider(he won't tell us if that's his real middle name or not, but knowing his brother, it probably is)

Those thin hips trusting about with the beat of the music, his abs twitching from the strain, his skin pale and smooth. It was beautiful, and mesmerizing, and a quick glace at Karkat told him that he was feeling the same way. He just got this vibe from Kar, like the were sharing thoughts or something. Or you know, could see the bulge pushing at the front of his pajamas.

The odd thing though, not that this whole situation isn't weird, but what really stood out was the Karkat wasn't protesting any of this. No yelling at Dave to put his shirt back on, or complaining about the music. His eyes where glued to the rolling expanse of Dave chest as he danced. It was incredible, if I had known that a half naked Strider was all that it took to shut up Karkat I would have suggested something like this a long time ago. But now my brain was overloading with images of half naked Strider(s). Of Dave long pale self all stretched out, muscles tight, twitching with pleasure. A Bro equally naked, but rather then long and pale, bulky and tan. I bet his broad shoulders could easily hold me up against a wall or something...

It was in the moment that Karkat decided to wiggle on top of my Strider inspire boner. I refuse to be help responsible for the high pitched moan the slipped from my throat as Kar continued to fidget on top of my dick. Now there's something you should know something about my dick. Its not giant or anything! But when I was with my last girlfriend, a blue haired punk chick named Vriska, I could never get more then a half-y while we were getting, intimate(but I'm seventeen, so I basically live with a constant half-y). She ended up dumping me for some smart mouth in a wheelchair, witch lemme just say, what a blow to my ego. I always figured it was like, early erectile dysfunction, or something messing with my ability to get fully hard. I always kinda thought that why my mom wasn't around when I was growing up, cus' this kinda thing is genetic.

But apparently all I needed was a pair of really hot Texan brothers and firm little butt rubbing on my crotch. Great.

Dave was still going strong, but now he was slowing moving across the living room toward me and Karkat. Signature smirk in place, as well as his dark shades perched on the bridge of his nose, the reds of his eyes looking over the top of them. I was so nervous as he advanced. I had not idea what I would do once he reached us. Apparently that wasn't something I had to worry about, because Karkat was climbing out of my lap, and meeting Dave half way. Karkat reached up onto the top of his tiptoes to meet Dave's lips is the worlds sloppiest and most rushed make-out session every. It also happened to be one of the hottest things I had seen in my short seven teen years of life, witch my prick was adamantly reminding me.

For a while I just sat there watching Karkat try and basically crawl up Dave. The shorter boy had his arms thrown around the blonds shoulders, his leg thrown over Dave's waist, only standing upright still because of Dave's iron grip on his leg and cute little ass. A literary of noises left Karkat, moans, whimpers, and I could have sworn even a chucked out of Dave. Their little show was really effecting me now, it was so hard not to just shove my hand down my pants and find a little bit of release. But I wasn't nearly as forward as Karkat or Dave.

Or so I thought...

The more moans and filthy noises Kartkat made as he wiggled against Dave, the harder it gets to keep my hand away from junk. So I didn't...

I slowly rubbed my hand against my aching dick, as it pushed up hard on my zipper. For a first few moments it relieved the pressure, but so after the pressure build up, worse the before. Not long after that noises started to slip from my lips.

A soft moan when I rubbed just the right way and my jeans pulled my foreskin back exposing my sensitive head. The little whimper when I pulled down the zipper and my dick felt like it could finally breathe, the heat of my pants released. The gasp when my hand gripped my dick, flesh to flesh, the blood pounding against my palm.

Dave soon toke notice, although Karkat hadn't yet, still trying to eat Dave face. Dave's sunglasses had completely been knocked off by the very same KittyKat tying to eat him. "Hey, baby, take a look at lil' Egbert, all hard and flushed. Poor little baby." Dave leered over the top of Karkat's head, red eyes gleaming with lust.

Karkat turned around, his back flushed to Dave's chest. His big brown eyes glazed over, his cheek's flushed deep red, and his lips bitten in tell they were swollen and pink. "Poor thing," rumbled Karkat, chest heaving, "think we should help him out?"

"Yes." Whispered Dave Fucking Strider into the ear of the little succubus currently eye-fucking me.

I gulped.


End file.
